Carla's Heart


It was 33 years ago today at 6:32 am that it happened…

A part of my heart was severed. It now belonged to one little person with perfect lips and a tuft of brown hair.  She calmly looked around the delivery room meeting the gaze of each person in attendance as if to assess her new surroundings and determine who was most capable of meeting her needs. 

She didn`t cry…but I did.

She was wrapped loosely in flannel blanket with nothing else on when they handed her to me the first time.  I was overcome with joy.  She naturally found my breast but kept her eyes locked on mine. It was as though she had chosen me…not the other way around.

I was overwhelmed.  

Not at the enormous responsibility I now faced but at the realization that God was gifting me with this precious life to show His Goodness and Graciousness to me.  NOT because of any of my decisions or actions but despite them. 

This wee bundle would grow and so would her heart of grace. God would show me over and over again how much He loved me, but I think October 27, 1983 was the day I truly--deeply started to believe it. That was they day my heart learned to dance. 

There would be so many ups and downs in 33 years but she could never cover up her heart. It was always there, like a golden glowing treasure, outshining the years that would see her far from us and far from God.  She may have been angry at times but all I could see was the little 3 year old girl who gleefully exclaimed as we dance around my bedroom and fell on the bed, ``Mommy! We fell in love!`` 

That heart is still there glowing, golden, warming those who are privileged to come near her.  Loving with abandon, never expecting more in return and dancing in and out of the lives that need her tender touch.

The song, ``The Dance`` has been the sound track to our relationship and although some people may think it’s about the end of a relationship, I think it`s more about life and how there will be times that those we love will go off script, try to go against the grain, try to bury their beautiful hearts, but if our love is true and real they can`t possibly hide their heart from us, especially because we never stop looking for it.  Sure, we could look away, tuck our hearts deeper, avoid the pain but then we would miss all the joy.

Just like God will never take away His gracious love from us, despite our actions or inactions, we have the choice to love unconditionally no matter how much it hurts at times.  I think that’s why He sent her.

That is what she taught me…Love unconditionally, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t come back to you all the time, throw your head back and laugh as often as you can, tell them you love them every chance you get … Joy comes in the morning.  She taught me so much more but the song hasn’t ended yet… and I thank God every day that I didn’t Miss the Dance.


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