Carla's Heart

When I was 4 we moved from Newfoundland to Ontario... even though I was young I recall it as an exciting but scary time. My little brain couldn't comprehend all that was changing. But the biggest part of those changes was what happened 6 weeks after our arrival. 
My mom and dad went to the hospital and brought home this roly-poly sweet baby girl.

I was convinced that this baby was a new toy for me. Overjoyed doesn't begin to explain how I felt about my new baby sister.


It was 33 years ago today at 6:32 am that it happened…

A part of my heart was severed. It now belonged to one little person with perfect lips and a tuft of brown hair.  She calmly looked around the delivery room meeting the gaze of each person in attendance as if to assess her new surroundings and determine who was most capable of meeting her needs. 

She didn`t cry…but I did.

She was wrapped loosely in flannel blanket with nothing else on when they handed her to me the first time.  I was overcome with joy.  She naturally found my breast but kept her eyes locked on mine. It was as though she had chosen me…not the other way around.

I was overwhelmed.  

Not at the enormous responsibility I now faced but at the realization that God was gifting me with this precious life to show His Goodness and Graciousness to me.  NOT because of any of my decisions or actions but despite them. 

This wee bundle would grow and so would her heart of grace. God would show me over and over again how much He loved me, but I think October 27, 1983 was the day I truly--deeply started to believe it. That was they day my heart learned to dance. 


As I lay my head against his heart I knew it was in good hands.

His Bride grinned from the side of the dance floor and as I watched her beautiful smile I knew that we could not have picked a better girl for our boy if we tried.

God orchestrated it and their love for Him and each other would overflow onto many as they served Him together these 5 years.

So as they continue to love and serve we continue to cheer them on and celebrate their love for each other and all those around them.

We love you James & Jen. Happy 5th Anniversary

He slumped over, shoulders sagging and and head bowed. She watched him deflate and felt her heart crack simultaneously. This was so far from the news they had expected. What seemed like a life-time of slammed doors and dreams dashed for them had appeared to be turning around...or so they thought – until this moment.

He wasn’t what you would call a proud man, but a man who measured himself by how well he provided for his family and whether or not his kids would look up to him. One of his greatest fears was to have his children grown and looking on him with pity, saying “well at least he tried – even if he never measured up”. He just wanted so much more for her and their children and he didn’t want it for free – he just wanted the opportunity to work for it.

What's on your mind...the facebook status line prompts us to share what's going on in our lives, how we are feeling or where we are off to. I am often tempted to type into that line the very thing that has been in the front of my mind for days...the thing I am agonizing over...but does anyone really care?

What’s on your mind...the real question should be what SHOULD be on your mind. If we all asked ourselves that before blurting out all our crap for all 645 of our “closest” friends to read, judge and comment on we might start a new trend and actually add something to our lives.


She squinted in the darkness to see the time. Three-thirty-two in the morning; had God woken her to pray again? Or had tragedy struck at that exact moment to someone she loved? She always feared the latter but chose the first. And so she prayed. Secretly she hoped that the praying would calm her and send her back to her slumber. That was not the case this time – four, five then five-thirty ticked away and she stayed awake…wondering why.

She was weary. The despair wasn’t what one would think…it was deeper, darker…suffocating. There was that thumping noise again…what was it? David’s Psalm was echoing in her heart somewhere, “My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?” Again, the tears came,” I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” Thump, thump, thump, crack! It was the sound of her breaking.

Her screams pierced through the Christmas music being piped into the grocery store way too early in the season. Shoppers paused long enough to assess the situation and give the typical judgemental scowel accompanied by a shake of their head to be sure people saw their disapproval. The blonde headed toddler gave another shriek to let her mother know that she was still waiting to be released from the grocery cart. Her older brother sat on the floor and watched with a glazed look, obviously not new to him. As her mother worked quickly to unload the grocery cart onto the belt, I watched from my place in line, two carts back.

Initially I had thought, "oh great, I've picked the wrong line up again". I only had five things in my cart and as usual only 6 of the 25 lanes were open on a busy Saturday morning. But this day, I decided not to stress about it and waited to see how things would turn out for this determined toddler.
By the time she had let out her fifth scream, she had started to let herself out of the cart and was teetering precariously over the handle when her mother spotted her and grabbed her, only to be thanked with yet another howel of disapproval from her wee one. At that moment a young man joined the line up behind me with his very placid 8 month old baby seated in his cart. He gave me a look that said he was sure his sweet baby girl would never behave this way. I smiled back at him and sweetly reminded him that he should enjoy this stage.